John Kidgell (2)

Here are some more fables from John Kidgell's Original Fables, each of which includes an illustration; you can can click here for more fables by Kidgell here at the blog.

The Dying Stag

A Stag, overcome by the fatigue of the chace, and reduced to the last extremity by the pursuit of his destroyers, submitted himself to the determination of his miserable destiny. 

His mournful sighs were accompanied with tears flowing down his cheeks, which a young sportsman, who had some remaining sentiments of pity, observed, with a more than ordinary surprize. 

"Yes," says the expiring sufferer, "it is a subject which commands astonishment, that nature has given tears so liberally to brutes, and so sparingly to mankind."

The Old Maid

A Lady, who in her youth had resisted the importunity of many suitors, consented, as the found herself upon the decline, to lower her demands, and to accept of a match somewhat inferior to her quality.

Her relations and friends, with very little ceremony, reproached her of the indelicacy of her choice. "Alas, says the old girl, there is no such thing as giving perfect satisfaction in this world. When I was young I was perpetually rated for being cruel; now I advance in years, their objection is, forsooth, that I am tender-hearted."

The Crab-Tree and the Chestnut 

"My dear pretty little folks," said a Crab-Tree to her very numerous progeny, "I do entreat you to have no kind of intimacy with any of the family of the Chestnuts. Those wretches are frightful to an extremity. They are not only a disgrace to our neighbourhood, but really to the whole vegetable creation."

"How, my handsome cousen," quoth an ovehearing Chestnut, "that smooth face, and those vermilion cheeks of thine are not altogether of a piece with your inseparable harshness and asperity! We, 'tis true, have not the most promising aspect in the world, but everybody of taste will acknowledge for us, that our heart is unexceptionable."

The Monkey and the Ape

As a Monkey who had no indifferent regard for his own dear personal figure, was standing upon the verge of a christal brook, divided between the admiration and embellishment of himself; an unlucky rogue of an Ape dexterously pushed the poor beau into the water. 

"As I perceive," says he, "my dear friend, that you are so desperately in love with the beautiful creature in that enchanting element, I thought it a thousand pities but you should come together."

The Turtle-Dove and the Pigeon 

A Turtle-dove was inconsolably lamenting her dear partner, whom an arrow, unfortunately too-well aimed, had laid dead at her feet, when her affectionate grief was interrupted by the friendly, but unseasonable counsel of a Pigeon, "Do not afflict yourself, my dear," said she, "for a loss which is irretrievable. Rather be comforted, that the same fatal shaft did not dispatch you both." 

"That is the very reason," replies the faithful mourner, "which more particularly afflicts me." 

John Kidgell (1)

In 1762, John Kidgell published a book of "original fables" that are very much in the Aesopic style: Original Fables. The fables are short, each one illustrated, and the text is in both English and French, along with a Latin epitaph for each (some of them are more apt than others; I have only included the ones that can stand on their own without a knowledge of the classical sources). 

This book appeared shortly before John Kidgell's life unraveled as a result of his involvement with the prosecution of John Wilkes for his lewd poem "Essay on Women," a parody of Pope's "Essay on Man." You can read more about Kidgell's life and work at Wikipedia. 

Here are five of Kidgell's fables:

The Butcher and His Little Boy

A Butcher preparing for the next market-day with abundantly more expedition than tenderness of heart, observed his little son, a child of five years old, weeping exceedingly by his side. 

"You little blockhead," quoth the Father, "what dost bellow at?" 

"Father," replied the child, "because it grieves my heart to think what a cruel creature I am to live to be."

 

The Sharper and the Beggar

A Gentleman, whose perfection in the knowledge of the die was admirable, was accosted by a wretched mendicant in the street, in a tone and manner rather more familiar, than was consistent with his grandeur. 

"Your distance, rascal," says the embroidered sharper, "what means your insolence? Do you presume to know me?" 

"Yes," replies the Beggar, "I know you, and it is by knowing you so well that I have not bread to eat."

 

The Ermin and the Hog

O formose Puer, nimium ne crede colori!

[O lovely boy, trust not too much in your complexion!]

As a snow-white Ermin was tenderly stepping, with remarkable fear and circumspection, towards the margin of a purling brook, to drink; a Hog, disgusted at his excess of delicacy, splashed him entirely with dirt from head to foot. 

Cruellest of creatures, exclaimed the distressed Ermin, how had I provoked you to such ungentle usage? My ruin is completed. I can never survive it.

Prithee, my pretty beau, replies the Hog, grunting, compose yourself. You'll not die, I give you my honor. You have too much affectation.

The Duellists

A Goat had been heard to say in public company that "an Ass had long ears." It was scarcely possible that an indignity of this sort could remain a secret. The Ass was kindly informed of the affront, by a friend, and sent a Grey-hound, in form, demanding gentleman-like satisfaction. The Goat accepts the defiance, and the controversy approaches to its decision. 

The combatants being arrived at the place of action, "Sir," quoth the Ass, with an air of indignation, "Is it true that you have presumed to ascertain that I have long ears?"

"It was the very identical expression," replied the adversary, with the greatest temper imaginable. 

"Odds bobs," replied the Ass, shaking his head, "I really must ask your pardon for the trouble which you have had on this occasion: My ears are rather longer, I perceive, than I had accustomed myself to think they were."

The Sow and the Doctor 

Vides ut pallidus omnis cena desurgat dubia?

[Do you see how pale each guest looks, getting up after a smorgasbord?]

A Sow, complaining of an excessive disorder in her stomach, was attended by Dr. Bruin. The Doctor, after the usual formalities, enquired what the lady had had for breakfast. 

"Nothing in the universe," the nurse said, "but a hamper of apples, and about an equal quantity of potatoes, with a sprinkling of about four or five pecks of chestnuts."

"Oh," the Doctor replied, "no harm could possibly be suspected from moderation like that, or rather, indeed, a kind of perfect abstinence." 

When, just as he had finished a scrawl of a prescription, one of the young ladies called out, "and, oh, nurse, you have forgotten to inform the gentleman that my mama had made shift to get down half a bushel of acorns."