John Kidgell (1)

In 1762, John Kidgell published a book of "original fables" that are very much in the Aesopic style: Original Fables. The fables are short, each one illustrated, and the text is in both English and French, along with a Latin epitaph for each (some of them are more apt than others; I have only included the ones that can stand on their own without a knowledge of the classical sources). 

This book appeared shortly before John Kidgell's life unraveled as a result of his involvement with the prosecution of John Wilkes for his lewd poem "Essay on Women," a parody of Pope's "Essay on Man." You can read more about Kidgell's life and work at Wikipedia. 

Here are five of Kidgell's fables:

The Butcher and His Little Boy

A Butcher preparing for the next market-day with abundantly more expedition than tenderness of heart, observed his little son, a child of five years old, weeping exceedingly by his side. 

"You little blockhead," quoth the Father, "what dost bellow at?" 

"Father," replied the child, "because it grieves my heart to think what a cruel creature I am to live to be."

 

The Sharper and the Beggar

A Gentleman, whose perfection in the knowledge of the die was admirable, was accosted by a wretched mendicant in the street, in a tone and manner rather more familiar, than was consistent with his grandeur. 

"Your distance, rascal," says the embroidered sharper, "what means your insolence? Do you presume to know me?" 

"Yes," replies the Beggar, "I know you, and it is by knowing you so well that I have not bread to eat."

 

The Ermin and the Hog

O formose Puer, nimium ne crede colori!

[O lovely boy, trust not too much in your complexion!]

As a snow-white Ermin was tenderly stepping, with remarkable fear and circumspection, towards the margin of a purling brook, to drink; a Hog, disgusted at his excess of delicacy, splashed him entirely with dirt from head to foot. 

Cruellest of creatures, exclaimed the distressed Ermin, how had I provoked you to such ungentle usage? My ruin is completed. I can never survive it.

Prithee, my pretty beau, replies the Hog, grunting, compose yourself. You'll not die, I give you my honor. You have too much affectation.

The Duellists

A Goat had been heard to say in public company that "an Ass had long ears." It was scarcely possible that an indignity of this sort could remain a secret. The Ass was kindly informed of the affront, by a friend, and sent a Grey-hound, in form, demanding gentleman-like satisfaction. The Goat accepts the defiance, and the controversy approaches to its decision. 

The combatants being arrived at the place of action, "Sir," quoth the Ass, with an air of indignation, "Is it true that you have presumed to ascertain that I have long ears?"

"It was the very identical expression," replied the adversary, with the greatest temper imaginable. 

"Odds bobs," replied the Ass, shaking his head, "I really must ask your pardon for the trouble which you have had on this occasion: My ears are rather longer, I perceive, than I had accustomed myself to think they were."

The Sow and the Doctor 

Vides ut pallidus omnis cena desurgat dubia?

[Do you see how pale each guest looks, getting up after a smorgasbord?]

A Sow, complaining of an excessive disorder in her stomach, was attended by Dr. Bruin. The Doctor, after the usual formalities, enquired what the lady had had for breakfast. 

"Nothing in the universe," the nurse said, "but a hamper of apples, and about an equal quantity of potatoes, with a sprinkling of about four or five pecks of chestnuts."

"Oh," the Doctor replied, "no harm could possibly be suspected from moderation like that, or rather, indeed, a kind of perfect abstinence." 

When, just as he had finished a scrawl of a prescription, one of the young ladies called out, "and, oh, nurse, you have forgotten to inform the gentleman that my mama had made shift to get down half a bushel of acorns."