Roger L'Estrange (40)

Here are some more fables from Roger L'Estrange's Fables of Aesop and Other Eminent Mythologists, and you can click here for all the L'Estrange fables at this blog.

A Son Singing at his Mother's Funeral.

There was a good Man that follow'd his Wife's Body to the Grave, weeping, and wailing all the Way he went, while his Son follow'd the Corps singing. Why Sirrah, says the Father, You should howl, and wring your Hands, and do as I do, ye Rogue you; and not go Sol-Fa-ing it about like a Mad-man. Why Father, says he, You give the Priests Money to sing, and will you be angry with me for giving ye a Song Gratis? Well, says the Father, but that which may become the Priests, will not always become you. 'Tis their Office to sing, but it is your Part to cry.

Funeral Tears are as arrantly hir'd out as Mourning Cloaks: and so are the very Offices: And whether we go to our Graves snivelling or singing, 'tis all but according to the Fashion of the Country, and meer Form.

An Ass puts in for an Office.

There was a bantering Droll got himself into a very good Equipage and Employment, by an admirable Faculty he had in Farting. The Success of this Buffoon encourag'd an Ass to put in for a Place too; for, says he, I'll fart with that Puppy for his Commission, and leave it to the Judgment of those that preferr'd him, which has the Clearer, and better scented Pipe of the Two.

Where Publick Ministers encourage Buffoonery, 'tis no wonder if Buffoons set up for Publick Ministers.

A River-Fish and a Sea-Fish.

There was a large over-grown Pike that had the Fortune to be carry'd out to Sea by a strong Curent, and had there the Vanity to value himself above all the Fish in the Ocean. We'll refer that (says a Sturgeon) to the Judgment of the Market, and see which of the Two yields the better Price.

Every Man has his Province assign'd him, and none but a Mad-Man will pretend to impose; and to give Laws where he has nothing to do.

illustration from Croxall's Aesop

A Man that would not take a Clyster.

When the Patient is Rich, there's no Fear of Physicians about him, as thick as Wasps to a Honey-Pot; and there was a whole College of them call'd to a Consultation upon a Purse-Proud Dutch Man, that was troubled with a Megrim. The Doctors prescrib'd him a Clyster; the Patient fell into a Rage upon't. Why, Certainly these People are all mad, says he, to talk of Curing a Man's Head at his Tail.

He that consults his Physician, and will not follow his Advice, must be his own Doctor: But let him take the old Adage along with him; He that teaches himself, has a Fool for his Master.

A Husband and Wife Twice Married.

There happen'd a Match betwixt a Widower and a Widow. The Woman would be perpetually twitting of her second Husband what a Man her First was, and her Husband did not forget the ringing of it in her Ears as often, what an admirable Woman he had to his First Wife. As the Woman was one Day upon the peevish Pin, a poor Body comes to the Door, while the froward Fit was upon her, to beg a Charity. Come in, poor Man (says the Woman) here's e'en the Leg of a Capon for thee, to pray for the Soul of my First Husband. Nay, Faith, says the Husband, and when they hand is in, e'ev take the Body and the rest on't, to pray for the Soul of my First Wife. This was their way of Teizing one another, and of Starving the Living to Honour the Dead: For they had but that One Capon betwixt them to Supper.

Sauce for a Goose is Sauce for a Gander. There's no contending with the Laws of God and Man, especially against those that have Power and Right on their Side.