A Man and a Wooden God
A Man that had a great Veneration for an Image he had in his House, found, that the more he pray’d to’t to prosper him in the World, the more he went down the wind still. This put him into such a Rage, to lie dogging at his Prayers so much and so long, to so little purpose, that at last he dash’d the Head on’t to pieces against the Wall: and out comes a considerable Quantity of Gold. Why this ‘tis, says he, to adore a perverse and insensible Deity, that will do more for Blows than for Worship.
Most People, Clergy as well as Laity, accommodate their Religion to their Profit, and reckon that to be the best Church that there’s most to be got by.
Jupiter and a Bee
A Bee made Jupiter a Present of a Pot of Honey, which was so kindly taken, that he bad her ask what she would, and it should be granted to her. The Bee desir’d it, that wherever she should set her Sting, it should be mortal. Jupiter was loth to leave Mankind at the Mercy of a little spiteful Insect, and so bad her have a care how she kill’d any body; for what Person soever she attack’d, if she left her Sting behind her, it should cost her her Life.
Spiteful Prayers are no better than Curses in Disguise, and the granting of them turns commonly to the mischief of the Petitioner.
A Fisherman and his Pipe
A Fisherman that understood Piping better than Netting, set himself down upon the side of a River, and touch’d his Flute, but not a Fish came near him. Upon this, he laid down his Pipe and cast his Net, which brought him a very great Draught. The Fish fell a frisking in the Net, and the Fisherman observing it; what Sots are these (says he) that would not dance when I play’d to ‘em, and will be dancing now without Musick!
There are certain Rules and Methods for the doing of all Things in this World; and therefore let every Man stick to the Business he understands, and was brought up to, without making one Profession interfere with another.
A Young Man and a Swallow
A prodigal young Fellow that had sold his Clothes to his very Shirt, upon the Sight of a Swallow that came before her Time, made Account that Summer was now at Hand, and away went that too. There happen’d after this, a Fit of bitter cold Weather, that almost starv’d the Bird and the Spendthrift. Well (says the Fellow to himself) this Sot of a Swallow has been the Ruin of us both.
Extraordinary Cases are excepted out of the general Rules of Life: So that irregular Accidents and Instances are not to be drawn into President.
A Dog and a Wolf
There was a hagged Carrion of a Wolf, and a jolly sort of a genteel Dog, with good Flesh upon’s Back, that fell into Company together upon the King’s Highway. The Wolf was wonderfully pleas’d with his Companion, and as inquisitive to learn how he brought himself to that blessed State of Body. Why, says the Dog, I keep my Master’s House from Thieves, and I have very good Meat, Drink, and Lodging for my Pains. Now if you’ll go along with me, and do as I do, you may fare as I fare. The Wolf struck up the Bargain, and so away they trotted together: But as they were jogging on, the Wolf spy’d a bare Place about the Dog’s Neck, where the Hair was worn off. Brother (says he) how comes this, I prithee? Oh, that’s nothing, says the Dog, but the fretting of my Collar a little. Nay says t’other, if there be a Collar in the Case, I know better things than to sell my Liberty for a Crust.
We are so dazzl’d with Glare of a splendid Appearance, that we can hardly discern the Inconveniences that attend it. ‘Tis a Comfort to have good Meat and Drink at Command, and warm Lodging: But he that sells his Freedom, for the cramming of his Gut, has but a hard Bargain of it.
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